[ ...certainly not pleasant to hear, but this wasn't real for him, just like his own experience hadn't been real for anyone but the three of them. it never hits as hard if you weren't there.
he nods. ]
...Yeah. Lost track of him in mine too.
[ the voice of a crying child admist the sound of splashing water all reverberating in a tunnel of metal pipes comes back into his thoughts. i'm sorry del! i'm so sorry! i thought it was dwight! i thought he was c-coming to pick me up, but then he changed, and he chased me down here, and now i'm lost, and now you're lost too, and i'm sorry, i'm sorry del! i'm so sorry! ]
Seems to be how these things go. [ ... ] Whose voice is that? In your thoughts.
[ GOD, that little bit really gets him. he flinches, ears pinning back. for a moment, he's quiet, and then. ]
... Feixiao. [ a shivery little sigh. over his shoulder, on the other side of his bed, there's a little dreamscape, thoughtscape, of a foxian woman with white hair, curled around his shoulders. ]
[ yeah, this is why he didn't want to remember this in detail during emotionshare week.
but, ah. sort of makes sense that it's hitting jiaoqiu so hard in that case. this is the first time fidelio's seen an actual image of feixiao, rather than something that just exists in the back of his mind when experiencing someone else's memory. he only knows a few things about her from what's come up in conversation, and he's not sure what their relationship actually is aside from her being his general, but... she's the one he died for, isn't she? and the one he has to go back for. ]
...Pretty sure it's the latter, knowin' how these things usually work. Not that knowin' that makes it much easier to hear, I'm sure.
[ to be fair to fidelio even jiaoqiu is not entirely sure what their relationship actually is. it's probably clear enough just by the way he talks about her that there is love there, it's just undefined. a little like devotion. so - he's right there, it's kicking his ass to have her whispering in his ear about how he's failed.
a deep breath. ]
No, but I appreciate you saying so. [ You're not even the first person to go through this, Jiaoqiu, come on. What could you possibly have to be sad about? ]
She caused me to fail my Harrowing, so I know that it couldn't possibly be her.
[ it takes him a second to place where he heard that term before, but then he remembers — anders told him about that in some detail weeks ago, so this suddenly makes a lot more sense, actually. ]
Sounds like you got to experience part of the plight of the mages firsthand, then.
Yeah, sounded a right nightmare the way he described it.
[ me looking back at that thread and the context for how it came up is actually kind of hilariously ironic but that is not occurring to him right now so. anyway. ]
Did the demon take her form, or did she just show up offering to save you from it?
after a moment, thoughtshare gives a vision - a first person, incredibly blurry view of a body, laying on glowing-green rocks. it looks familiar, but it's so difficult to properly see who it is with the level of sight that's available. and then a hand settles on jiaoqiu's shoulder. he looks up, and his vision clears. bright, like the sun. feixiao smiles down at him.
silence, for a moment, and then: ]
I had no idea that she might have been a demon at all. [ Your sight, to make sure nobody important to you could die ever again, in exchange for helping me out. That's always what I've promised you. ]
[ ah... he does find himself squinting to try to make out more details about that body... which is stupid, when he's seeing it through someone else's vision in the first place. and he can see why he'd want to grab onto that clarity she seems to have been offering. ]
Thought she was genuinely there to help, then? ...S'pose it wouldn't be much of a test if they told you what to expect ahead of time.
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he nods. ]
...Yeah. Lost track of him in mine too.
[ the voice of a crying child admist the sound of splashing water all reverberating in a tunnel of metal pipes comes back into his thoughts. i'm sorry del! i'm so sorry! i thought it was dwight! i thought he was c-coming to pick me up, but then he changed, and he chased me down here, and now i'm lost, and now you're lost too, and i'm sorry, i'm sorry del! i'm so sorry! ]
Seems to be how these things go. [ ... ] Whose voice is that? In your thoughts.
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... Feixiao. [ a shivery little sigh. over his shoulder, on the other side of his bed, there's a little dreamscape, thoughtscape, of a foxian woman with white hair, curled around his shoulders. ]
Or something pretending to be her.
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but, ah. sort of makes sense that it's hitting jiaoqiu so hard in that case. this is the first time fidelio's seen an actual image of feixiao, rather than something that just exists in the back of his mind when experiencing someone else's memory. he only knows a few things about her from what's come up in conversation, and he's not sure what their relationship actually is aside from her being his general, but... she's the one he died for, isn't she? and the one he has to go back for. ]
...Pretty sure it's the latter, knowin' how these things usually work. Not that knowin' that makes it much easier to hear, I'm sure.
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a deep breath. ]
No, but I appreciate you saying so. [ You're not even the first person to go through this, Jiaoqiu, come on. What could you possibly have to be sad about? ]
She caused me to fail my Harrowing, so I know that it couldn't possibly be her.
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[ it takes him a second to place where he heard that term before, but then he remembers — anders told him about that in some detail weeks ago, so this suddenly makes a lot more sense, actually. ]
Sounds like you got to experience part of the plight of the mages firsthand, then.
[ oof. ]
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[ like, he gets the radicalism, honestly. a deep breath. ]
It was nearly impossible. You're faced with a problem, and they offer you a solution, with a familiar face. I couldn't... I couldn't say no.
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[ me looking back at that thread and the context for how it came up is actually kind of hilariously ironic but that is not occurring to him right now so. anyway. ]
Did the demon take her form, or did she just show up offering to save you from it?
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after a moment, thoughtshare gives a vision - a first person, incredibly blurry view of a body, laying on glowing-green rocks. it looks familiar, but it's so difficult to properly see who it is with the level of sight that's available. and then a hand settles on jiaoqiu's shoulder. he looks up, and his vision clears. bright, like the sun. feixiao smiles down at him.
silence, for a moment, and then: ]
I had no idea that she might have been a demon at all. [ Your sight, to make sure nobody important to you could die ever again, in exchange for helping me out. That's always what I've promised you. ]
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Thought she was genuinely there to help, then? ...S'pose it wouldn't be much of a test if they told you what to expect ahead of time.
[ ... ]
So you took her up on that offer?
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I did, yes. [ a sigh. ] And when I woke up once again, I had invited a demon in.
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Did it just take you over then or what?