Just tired of finally warming up to someone only to find out later that they've actually been lyin' to my face and were connected all along to people who've helped make all our lives hell.
he can see why this in particular is really messy. the poor brothers have really gone through it with trusting people. silence, for a moment, as he thinks about what might be best to say. ]
Mm. I know that you will not feel ashamed for being angry, but I'd like to reassure you that it is fine to be that way. [ it's a shitty situation to be in, and jiaoqiu thinks that just because a familiar face turned out to be god, it doesn't negate everything else. ]
There are some good things about this place, even still.
Yeah, I know. Part of why it's so frustrating, I think.
[ like with louis, gabriel had helped them find a better life by giving them the tools they needed to be able to do things for themselves, this time with getting everything set up for their tavern. like with will, he'd come to respect the way gabriel cared about helping people and had a vision he kept believing in even when things were bad.
he'd never stopped appreciating those things with them either — even when it turned out will had been lying to them all along and, worse, doing everything for the bloody prince; even when it turned out louis was a hypocritical madman who'd never really been interested in the kind of equality they'd believed he would bring.
it made things complicated then, and this is making them complicated now. it was easy when he'd thought god was just some shitty swamp lizard he'd never met who'd failed them at every step that he could hate without reservation. it's hard when it's someone he'd gotten kind of close to who'd actually done plenty for him, but who still fucked up in a way that's going to leave a lot of people with permanent damage. ]
Gabriel has been kind to me. He has spent a lot of time caring for people that I care for. I've had difficulty today in separating the god that I don't respect from the bartender that I've grown attached to.
[ he tilts his head back. ]
This experience has not been his fault, necessarily, but that does not matter so much. The pain still happened. We were still subjected to a project we didn't ask to be involved in.
And you can't separate them is the thing, because they're both the same bloody person. It's not like trying to separate somebody from an organisation they belonged to or something. The person who felt like a friend and the one who fucked up his job so bad that a bunch of people are gonna be scarred for life, they're both just him.
[ and maybe it's hypocritical of him to even complain this much when he's ended and ruined plenty of lives himself, but. he's never pretended he didn't do those things, and he sure as hell didn't do it to the faces of the people whose lives he was still actively ruining. ]
... Most leaders must fail several times before they learn from their mistakes, and become something greater. It is a shame that we were part of those failures.
[ it's a little difficult for him because he knows gabe is young, and he's a little more lenient when younger people make mistakes because - well, they don't have the experience. but it still sucks to be the guinea pigs. ]
I suppose I could tell you to focus on the good parts of this experience, but that would be disingenuous.
[ well he's also the same fucking age as will, so he doesn't like the idea of giving free passes for age and inexperience when someone's in a position of high power. he wouldn't cut will any slack for that either. if you're in over your head, get advice from people who might know how to handle it, don't just force everyone else to suffer through your mistakes out of some stupid sense of pride. ]
Ugh. I don't know, I'll...
[ ...just shrugs after a moment. what the fuck is he going to do about any of it, really. ]
Wish I had more time to think about this. Don't understand everyone who just instantly forgave him for everything.
Well. I haven't. [ forgiven him for everything. ] And I don't understand it either, but I will focus on what we can do. I don't intend to rely on any of those who put us here entirely, good intentions or no.
[ he won't deny their help and he will still care for them, because they're his friends, but he does not intend to have faith. ]
[ he does not really care about any of the angels and has definitely never considered them friends or had any faith in them. which also makes this awkward, because he was always a jerk to them specifically because he hated how they all just went along with whatever their useless god said and now he's just like. well. cool. just look like a misogynist for no reason now. ]
Wish we had more information on that front. This didn't do much to clarify what we're actually going to be doing.
[ mm... he remembers when he trusted his general like that.
anyway, he's not really sure how jiaoqiu thinks he's going to make sure of that, but he sort of appreciates his saying it with that much conviction anyway. there's a ripple of gratitude in the midst of the other emotions. ]
Yeah, you and me both.
[ a little huff. ]
At least there's a few of us who won't show any mercy if it comes to that.
[ comparing these generals is like comparing sephiroth to zack fair
a little smile. ]
That's true. There are people willing to fight for what we deserve. [ ... ] I do wish I could make sure that you two, and Euphausia, are victorious when you return.
Think we got a pretty good chance of pulling it off, actually. Been plannin' a bunch of stuff out, and got it narrowed down to the best moment to return to. Knowing what we know now, we should actually be able to head off the worst of it as long as we time it right. Got some backup plans too, in case we don't.
[ he's just like, oh... well... that's very nice of you but we can't put aside the strategic part here that's literally the most important thing when it comes to assassinations ]
...I appreciate it, thanks. [ ... ] Sounds like there's at least some chance of travellin' between worlds, though? So, you know. Maybe you can do that sometime.
[ he's trying to be supportive!!! he knows strategy is the most important part it's his job!! he's just trying to get across that he would be there even without a plan. ]
Well, not from here. [ tail flick. ] The people in charge here said it would destabilize our worlds if we were to travel between them freely, and won't allow it.
... I don't know that we'll be able to. But I won't give up on trying to find a safe way to do it.
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Just tired of finally warming up to someone only to find out later that they've actually been lyin' to my face and were connected all along to people who've helped make all our lives hell.
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he can see why this in particular is really messy. the poor brothers have really gone through it with trusting people. silence, for a moment, as he thinks about what might be best to say. ]
Mm. I know that you will not feel ashamed for being angry, but I'd like to reassure you that it is fine to be that way. [ it's a shitty situation to be in, and jiaoqiu thinks that just because a familiar face turned out to be god, it doesn't negate everything else. ]
There are some good things about this place, even still.
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Yeah, I know. Part of why it's so frustrating, I think.
[ like with louis, gabriel had helped them find a better life by giving them the tools they needed to be able to do things for themselves, this time with getting everything set up for their tavern. like with will, he'd come to respect the way gabriel cared about helping people and had a vision he kept believing in even when things were bad.
he'd never stopped appreciating those things with them either — even when it turned out will had been lying to them all along and, worse, doing everything for the bloody prince; even when it turned out louis was a hypocritical madman who'd never really been interested in the kind of equality they'd believed he would bring.
it made things complicated then, and this is making them complicated now. it was easy when he'd thought god was just some shitty swamp lizard he'd never met who'd failed them at every step that he could hate without reservation. it's hard when it's someone he'd gotten kind of close to who'd actually done plenty for him, but who still fucked up in a way that's going to leave a lot of people with permanent damage. ]
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Gabriel has been kind to me. He has spent a lot of time caring for people that I care for. I've had difficulty today in separating the god that I don't respect from the bartender that I've grown attached to.
[ he tilts his head back. ]
This experience has not been his fault, necessarily, but that does not matter so much. The pain still happened. We were still subjected to a project we didn't ask to be involved in.
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And you can't separate them is the thing, because they're both the same bloody person. It's not like trying to separate somebody from an organisation they belonged to or something. The person who felt like a friend and the one who fucked up his job so bad that a bunch of people are gonna be scarred for life, they're both just him.
[ and maybe it's hypocritical of him to even complain this much when he's ended and ruined plenty of lives himself, but. he's never pretended he didn't do those things, and he sure as hell didn't do it to the faces of the people whose lives he was still actively ruining. ]
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... Most leaders must fail several times before they learn from their mistakes, and become something greater. It is a shame that we were part of those failures.
[ it's a little difficult for him because he knows gabe is young, and he's a little more lenient when younger people make mistakes because - well, they don't have the experience. but it still sucks to be the guinea pigs. ]
I suppose I could tell you to focus on the good parts of this experience, but that would be disingenuous.
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Ugh. I don't know, I'll...
[ ...just shrugs after a moment. what the fuck is he going to do about any of it, really. ]
Wish I had more time to think about this. Don't understand everyone who just instantly forgave him for everything.
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Well. I haven't. [ forgiven him for everything. ] And I don't understand it either, but I will focus on what we can do. I don't intend to rely on any of those who put us here entirely, good intentions or no.
[ he won't deny their help and he will still care for them, because they're his friends, but he does not intend to have faith. ]
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Wish we had more information on that front. This didn't do much to clarify what we're actually going to be doing.
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[ he doesn't expect fidelio to not worry, it's just that he trusts his general. ]
We will make it work. You and your brother will go home safe, I will make sure of it.
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anyway, he's not really sure how jiaoqiu thinks he's going to make sure of that, but he sort of appreciates his saying it with that much conviction anyway. there's a ripple of gratitude in the midst of the other emotions. ]
Yeah, you and me both.
[ a little huff. ]
At least there's a few of us who won't show any mercy if it comes to that.
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a little smile. ]
That's true. There are people willing to fight for what we deserve. [ ... ] I do wish I could make sure that you two, and Euphausia, are victorious when you return.
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I believe you. But I suppose what I meant is I wish that I could be there to give you my support, putting aside the strategic parts just this once.
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[ he's just like, oh... well... that's very nice of you but we can't put aside the strategic part here that's literally the most important thing when it comes to assassinations ]
...I appreciate it, thanks. [ ... ] Sounds like there's at least some chance of travellin' between worlds, though? So, you know. Maybe you can do that sometime.
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Well, not from here. [ tail flick. ] The people in charge here said it would destabilize our worlds if we were to travel between them freely, and won't allow it.
... I don't know that we'll be able to. But I won't give up on trying to find a safe way to do it.