[ he can tell, for sure - the emotionshare is there and while it's buried, it's still present.
silence, for a moment, as he turns his head. it's not like he can see jing yuan, so it doesn't matter, but he feels exposed and embarrassed, tail curling around his leg. ]
You know just as well as I do that there is no universe in which I could leave our world. I could not and would not leave Feixiao behind. [ especially not because of someone I've only known a few weeks. ]
It is the same for Basilio, and I would not even dare ask him to. He deserves a wonderful life with his brother, and a brighter world.
[ just... y'know. there's a good chance they'll never see each other again after this, and even though he wants to go home, his heart hurts. he's losing one more thing that's just for him. ]
I know. I've never questioned your loyalty to her.
[ ...These memories may be fleeting, but they are no less precious for it. ]
...You deserve that same life as well. Though I understand why you cannot ask.
[ it is unfortunate that their worlds are so separate, beyond even the reach of the silver rail. and it is cruel for jiaoqiu to have found happiness, only to have it taken away.
he doesn't add much else, but he remains attentive. ]
[ he doesn't seem to have much else to say about it - if there is nothing anybody can do to change it, then he will bury it. there isn't any point in allowing others to see how sad he is about it. it's like taking his emotions, cracking them in half, and storing them somewhere nobody will see in real time.
he folds his arms, and tilts his head away. looks in another direction. ]
Well. I cannot have it, so there is no use in whining.
[ a beat. ]
Anyway. Tell me about your days spent in the healing center. I find myself curious.
[ his emotions don't need to be seen, to be known. jing yuan's expression softens, even if jiaoqiu isn't looking at him. (and can't really see him, besides.) ]
It isn't whining.
[ it's affection week so he'll let jiaoqiu change the topic, but still leans against him lightly even if he's turned away. just so he knows he's not being abandoned to his misery. ]
I don't mind sharing, but let me consider where to start. [ I HAVE THE MEMORY OF A GOLDFIIIIISHHHH ]
Much of the time was spent waiting, and watching. Welcoming new arrivals, diffusing tensions... We did a variety of tasks every other Wednesday as well, to help Caspian restore a connection to this side.
[ the leaning is nice. he's gotten a little better about being touched while he's been here, and affection week makes it even easier. his tail brushes against jing yuan as something of an apology and appreciation. ]
Caspian is Kiraman, yes? He told me that you were especially helpful. [ ... ] It seemed like a peaceful sort of existence.
Well, until a few of you sent messages about being taken on those trips, in any case.
Kiraman, yes. I've been trying to use his name more often. [ the emoshare is faintly amused, but appreciative of the remark. ] That's reassuring to hear. He had his hands full most—if not all of the time.
[ their resident workaholic... ]
...The trips did happen a bit later on. It was an unpleasant surprise, but we were fortunate to have accelerated healing where we were, and potent items as well. [ their sn**py bandaids... WHICH SOME PEOPLE REFUSED but that is okay, oocly everyone gets to have fun beating up their blorbos ]
I brought a couple back with me, though it seems we may no longer have much need of them. But I'd like to give you one to hold onto, just in case.
[ assuming jiaoqiu is okay with this, he will carefully place one of the bandaids in his paw! ]
Ah... I could have used one of these many times on this side. Thank you. [ it's okay anyway, most people are healed all the way, now - so he can't complain.
it's fixed literally the next day but he doesn't know that so: ]
None of these items have reversed the effect the Tumbledust had. [ ... ] I do wonder how I'll explain this to Feixiao.
Mhm, I wish I would've been able to give you one sooner.
[ but it is good that everyone is back in one piece, mostly... ]
We have time to come up with an elaborate story, I'm sure. [ his words are light, but the emoshare is sympathetic. ] But... when in time where you thinking of returning?
[ does he mean before things with hoolay happen? ]
[ but apparently items like that sent through the mail got depowered so y'know. ]
... I'm not sure. [ thinks about it. ] We arrived to the Luofu with the intention of taking Hoolay back to the Yaoqing to keep him prisoner there. I'd thought to catch the borisin before they could free him.
But... I wanted to use him to find a cure for Feixiao. I hoped to do that, with my death - that she would know what to do with him.
[ so it's really kind of just like. either the invasion doesn't happen and feixiao isn't cured, or all of it happens and jiaoqiu is blinded and half dead again, which he doesn't want to be. ]
[ i tried so hard to respond to this tag at 1AM yesterday and was like haha! i am GENIUS! and then ended up not sending it because in fact i am not a genius. ]
...I would suggest you return closer to my time, so that we might have more time to make arrangements. But I understand it might interrupt your progress with Feixiao's condition.
[ jiaoqiu would still have to make the journey to the luofu from the yaoqing, but they would still have their jade abaci for communications. he imagines he may have to loop fu xuan in as well—he can't imagine what sort of ripple effect their return might have on the matrix of prescience ultima. ]
Perhaps we can consult our higher being as well, to see what they have to say about the conditions of your return. [ save us jonas... jonas save us.
it's a very difficult decision to make, especially without full oversight of what had happened after jiaoqiu had died. it's not that the innocent lives lost in the invasion are worth any less than feixiao's, however she is also critical to the safety of so many more. there are difficult, but necessary calculations to be made. ]
no, that's a good idea, though. he hadn't even thought of returning much earlier. he's clearly thinking about it, trying to decide if it would destroy anything too thoroughly. he'd just have to be careful about what he said.
there's a grouchy emotion when he suggests they consult god, though. ]
I wish that I knew what happened after my death... but I would not be opposed to returning closer to your time. [ sigh. ] I will leave the talking to you, as for as the god goes.
I contacted him, a while ago, asking for options. I was angry to know that we would not be able to travel to other worlds, and he spoke to me as if I was throwing a tantrum and calling him names. A good leader would not resort to passive aggressive jabs such as well, you can go tell everybody I'm terrible, then when faced with real concerns.
[ it makes more sense now because gabe is like, twelve, but he doesn't know that at this point. he also does not ever quite forgive him for it but it's fine. ]
... Being told that I must wait to die to see the people I care for again upset me.
[ for someone who has such a tenuous grip on how much he wants to live at any time, it was. a lot. ]
I see. I do have to wonder who around here is in charge.
[ they find out in two days, but. he would get that sometimes you have expectations of someone, and when they leave a terrible impression at a terrible time, it's not something readily forgotten. ]
I'm sorry it was not a fruitful conversation. ...And I'm sorry you had to wait so long.
[ watching him spiral week after week hadn't been easy. even with the letters, it's just not the same. ]
I am well accustomed to waiting. [ it sucks to do, but he's used to it. ]
I don't need you to apologize. You did nothing wrong. [ ... ] I suppose I don't understand why you aren't more angry - but that is just like you.
[ not in a bad way, he just... trusts jing yuan to be a good leader, to be calm in the face of the worst of things. maybe it's a little hand hold out, like - if you're feeling poorly, he'd listen. ]
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no subject
silence, for a moment, as he turns his head. it's not like he can see jing yuan, so it doesn't matter, but he feels exposed and embarrassed, tail curling around his leg. ]
You know just as well as I do that there is no universe in which I could leave our world. I could not and would not leave Feixiao behind. [ especially not because of someone I've only known a few weeks. ]
It is the same for Basilio, and I would not even dare ask him to. He deserves a wonderful life with his brother, and a brighter world.
[ just... y'know. there's a good chance they'll never see each other again after this, and even though he wants to go home, his heart hurts. he's losing one more thing that's just for him. ]
no subject
[ ...These memories may be fleeting, but they are no less precious for it. ]
...You deserve that same life as well. Though I understand why you cannot ask.
[ it is unfortunate that their worlds are so separate, beyond even the reach of the silver rail. and it is cruel for jiaoqiu to have found happiness, only to have it taken away.
he doesn't add much else, but he remains attentive. ]
no subject
he folds his arms, and tilts his head away. looks in another direction. ]
Well. I cannot have it, so there is no use in whining.
[ a beat. ]
Anyway. Tell me about your days spent in the healing center. I find myself curious.
no subject
It isn't whining.
[ it's affection week so he'll let jiaoqiu change the topic, but still leans against him lightly even if he's turned away. just so he knows he's not being abandoned to his misery. ]
I don't mind sharing, but let me consider where to start. [ I HAVE THE MEMORY OF A GOLDFIIIIISHHHH ]
Much of the time was spent waiting, and watching. Welcoming new arrivals, diffusing tensions... We did a variety of tasks every other Wednesday as well, to help Caspian restore a connection to this side.
no subject
Caspian is Kiraman, yes? He told me that you were especially helpful. [ ... ] It seemed like a peaceful sort of existence.
Well, until a few of you sent messages about being taken on those trips, in any case.
no subject
Kiraman, yes. I've been trying to use his name more often. [ the emoshare is faintly amused, but appreciative of the remark. ] That's reassuring to hear. He had his hands full most—if not all of the time.
[ their resident workaholic... ]
...The trips did happen a bit later on. It was an unpleasant surprise, but we were fortunate to have accelerated healing where we were, and potent items as well. [ their sn**py bandaids... WHICH SOME PEOPLE REFUSED but that is okay, oocly everyone gets to have fun beating up their blorbos ]
I brought a couple back with me, though it seems we may no longer have much need of them. But I'd like to give you one to hold onto, just in case.
[ assuming jiaoqiu is okay with this, he will carefully place one of the bandaids in his paw! ]
no subject
Ah... I could have used one of these many times on this side. Thank you. [ it's okay anyway, most people are healed all the way, now - so he can't complain.
it's fixed literally the next day but he doesn't know that so: ]
None of these items have reversed the effect the Tumbledust had. [ ... ] I do wonder how I'll explain this to Feixiao.
no subject
[ but it is good that everyone is back in one piece, mostly... ]
We have time to come up with an elaborate story, I'm sure. [ his words are light, but the emoshare is sympathetic. ] But... when in time where you thinking of returning?
[ does he mean before things with hoolay happen? ]
no subject
[ but apparently items like that sent through the mail got depowered so y'know. ]
... I'm not sure. [ thinks about it. ] We arrived to the Luofu with the intention of taking Hoolay back to the Yaoqing to keep him prisoner there. I'd thought to catch the borisin before they could free him.
But... I wanted to use him to find a cure for Feixiao. I hoped to do that, with my death - that she would know what to do with him.
[ so it's really kind of just like. either the invasion doesn't happen and feixiao isn't cured, or all of it happens and jiaoqiu is blinded and half dead again, which he doesn't want to be. ]
no subject
...I would suggest you return closer to my time, so that we might have more time to make arrangements. But I understand it might interrupt your progress with Feixiao's condition.
[ jiaoqiu would still have to make the journey to the luofu from the yaoqing, but they would still have their jade abaci for communications. he imagines he may have to loop fu xuan in as well—he can't imagine what sort of ripple effect their return might have on the matrix of prescience ultima. ]
Perhaps we can consult our higher being as well, to see what they have to say about the conditions of your return. [ save us jonas... jonas save us.
it's a very difficult decision to make, especially without full oversight of what had happened after jiaoqiu had died. it's not that the innocent lives lost in the invasion are worth any less than feixiao's, however she is also critical to the safety of so many more. there are difficult, but necessary calculations to be made. ]
no subject
no, that's a good idea, though. he hadn't even thought of returning much earlier. he's clearly thinking about it, trying to decide if it would destroy anything too thoroughly. he'd just have to be careful about what he said.
there's a grouchy emotion when he suggests they consult god, though. ]
I wish that I knew what happened after my death... but I would not be opposed to returning closer to your time. [ sigh. ] I will leave the talking to you, as for as the god goes.
no subject
but he is curiously latching onto this grouchy emotion in the meantime... ]
...Ah, what happened?
[ between him and god......... ]
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I contacted him, a while ago, asking for options. I was angry to know that we would not be able to travel to other worlds, and he spoke to me as if I was throwing a tantrum and calling him names. A good leader would not resort to passive aggressive jabs such as well, you can go tell everybody I'm terrible, then when faced with real concerns.
[ it makes more sense now because gabe is like, twelve, but he doesn't know that at this point. he also does not ever quite forgive him for it but it's fine. ]
... Being told that I must wait to die to see the people I care for again upset me.
[ for someone who has such a tenuous grip on how much he wants to live at any time, it was. a lot. ]
no subject
I see. I do have to wonder who around here is in charge.
[ they find out in two days, but. he would get that sometimes you have expectations of someone, and when they leave a terrible impression at a terrible time, it's not something readily forgotten. ]
I'm sorry it was not a fruitful conversation. ...And I'm sorry you had to wait so long.
[ watching him spiral week after week hadn't been easy. even with the letters, it's just not the same. ]
no subject
I am well accustomed to waiting. [ it sucks to do, but he's used to it. ]
I don't need you to apologize. You did nothing wrong. [ ... ] I suppose I don't understand why you aren't more angry - but that is just like you.
[ not in a bad way, he just... trusts jing yuan to be a good leader, to be calm in the face of the worst of things. maybe it's a little hand hold out, like - if you're feeling poorly, he'd listen. ]