jiaoqiu huffs out a little laugh, and turns to take a cup of tea over to marcoh. ]
I doubt I can think of the precise string of words that will ease that guilt for you. I imagine you wouldn't want me to, either.
But I think it is better to learn how to let it go. You don't have to let go of the remorse - I know it's important to you to regret having done it. But I can see it so heavy on your shoulders, and that is the way you end up like me, Marcoh. I don't want that for you.
[ oh, that gets a frown out of him, actually. what the fuck. ]
... What an impossible choice. [ ... ] Perhaps you could have made the decision not to kill, but I can't see any scenario where it is better for you to lose someone you love because of what is morally correct.
[ His emotions are very complicated in this regard. He doesn't feel bad. He can't feel bad, in regards to Riccardo specifically. But he does regret that it got his sister in trouble. He feels worse because he doesn't feel bad. ]
In the end, the only person that can decide that is you. [ glances up at him again. ] What I think, what god thinks - that doesn't matter nearly so much as you feeling at peace with yourself.
Maybe your redemption is just that. Finding peace.
[ He's usually pretty good at shutting down conversations he doesn't want to talk about, at least. People actually don't ask him enough most of the time though. ]
I hope that you can get rest. Do not stay up too late.
[ We can shelve this Sat thread time passes so slow but so fast. ]
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Well, I suppose we had better wallow in the guilt of our past sins forever then...
[ lightly. he knows he's being a dick. ]
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He just stays quiet giving off that bummer aura. ]
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jiaoqiu huffs out a little laugh, and turns to take a cup of tea over to marcoh. ]
I doubt I can think of the precise string of words that will ease that guilt for you. I imagine you wouldn't want me to, either.
But I think it is better to learn how to let it go. You don't have to let go of the remorse - I know it's important to you to regret having done it. But I can see it so heavy on your shoulders, and that is the way you end up like me, Marcoh. I don't want that for you.
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[ It's not right of him to just let go, is it? It doesn't change anything. It's not going to undo what happened. ]
... The man that made me do it is... also gone, now. But it isn't any better. I only put Venere in more danger.
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[ firmly. hands him the tea. take!! ]
Are you telling me that someone told you to kill someone to protect your sister?
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Yeah.
...
Riccardo, he... the heir to the Accardo branch.
He was dating her.
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Was this a situation where you had no reason to believe he'd tell you this for any other reason than he feared for your sister's safety?
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No.
He was the one that made me kill. Or my sister would pay for it.
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... What an impossible choice. [ ... ] Perhaps you could have made the decision not to kill, but I can't see any scenario where it is better for you to lose someone you love because of what is morally correct.
You were coerced. It's a complicated problem.
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I sometimes wonder if I should, but I can't really get myself to feel that way, even with this whole redemption thing.
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But I might be being tested about that too. Here.
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Have you asked the angels about this? I really cannot imagine someone like Zuriel telling you that they find this unacceptable.
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It's just, more of the usual. If it feels like something I need to redeem myself for.
[ But how do you redeem yourself for a murder you didn't even want to do, and another one that you don't care to regret at all? ]
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In the end, the only person that can decide that is you. [ glances up at him again. ] What I think, what god thinks - that doesn't matter nearly so much as you feeling at peace with yourself.
Maybe your redemption is just that. Finding peace.
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Thanks. I know it's not your business.
[ It shouldn't be Jiaoqiu's responsibility to ease -- try to ease -- his nerves in this matter. ]
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[ pats his arm gently, reassuring. a healer's job isn't just physical, he thinks. ]
You tell me if it isn't. I don't mind otherwise.
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[ He's usually pretty good at shutting down conversations he doesn't want to talk about, at least. People actually don't ask him enough most of the time though. ]
I hope that you can get rest. Do not stay up too late.
[ We can shelve this Sat thread time passes so slow but so fast. ]