[ Hey... shit sucks... he's escaping the church early for once this week but he's not going far. He just needs to get outside real quick, separate himself from the really bad feedback loop of everyone feeling horrible about this and that, because it is very palpable that his own emotions were on a rising tension like a guitar wire strung far too tight. He needed air, and to get away for a second. ]
[ his tail brushes a little against his leg, just - present. gentle. ]
That is not a reflection on you. [ glances up at him. ] He chose to use it for that purpose, when you very likely meant for him to use it in self defense.
[ He's not taking blame for it that'd be crazy. He's just thinking about how sad it is. Rubbing his face. Jesus Christ is this their first teen death since Brimstone who isn't really even a teen. He looks over at Jiaoqiu. ]
... It was a little late, but there was justice for Brim too.
I don't like it, but it is. I'm glad it wasn't just for the sake of making ends even, but that there was reason to it.
[ He didn't like that they essentially just had to swallow it. He didn't ever really talk to Firefly. He'd look down on purely vengeful murder though -- been there, done that, right?
There's really very little sense of victory to it. ]
[ yeah. he kind of just feels empty about it, but... there's a small part of him that feels justified. he doesn't know if he likes that part or not. ]
It feels wrong to feel vindication, but I do. [ that he was right, it wasn't just self defense - and a little bit of satisfaction in knowing that a stupid kid he cared for finally got some justice.
it's a hollow victory. he's watching people die every week, knowing that he can't do a single thing to save them, and it's cracking his healer soul into little pieces. but there's something in this, at least. ]
But I think that if I expect myself to be a perfect person with perfect morals, I will always be disappointed.
Take what victories you can Jiaoqiu. I will not judge. Multiple people agreed it was right, today.
[ EVERY SINGLE person voted Akihiko today, not a single angry vote for Yves or another person. Sure, it doesn't mean it sits right with everybody, but clearly nobody thought Yves was outright wrong.
But Jiaoqiu also suffers a lot and Marcoh thinks this one thing is fine to enable. ]
[ genuinely. it's a little bit of a relief to not have to hold himself up so stiffly. he tries very hard to be a stable and calm and rational force, but sometimes you just really want to be a little bitch. ]
I do have my issues with how it was handled, but I cannot say it wasn't necessary.
[ It's okay, Marcoh has no inner desire to be a little bitch so he will be the stable rational force where possible... outside of a few angry bits but that hasn't been really around in a while. Truly he's having a much better arc than Daan. ]
I don't like it, but it was necessary. If we cannot handle it during the trial then it is as much as letting them go.
[ The paranoia and guilt get a tad stronger. ]
And that's not good. It stays. They will do it again.
[ thank god he's having a little bit of a better arc than daan that do feel me goof ]
Yes. I agree with you on that part. [ wryly. ] I only mean that I would have preferred to ask her a few questions before Yves stabbed her to death without warning.
We cannot let them go. Not when we know what we do about the corrupted souls.
Earlier, I told Laurence that if you close yourself off to pain, you'll never experience the best parts of life. The warmest moments mean something because of the worst.
[ he folds his arms, glancing out at the grounds again. ]
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w4 saturday
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he just stands, trying to let marcoh soak up some of the calm, arms folded across his chest as he stares out over the area. ]
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I showed him how to fend off an attacker with a knife.
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That is not a reflection on you. [ glances up at him. ] He chose to use it for that purpose, when you very likely meant for him to use it in self defense.
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[ He's not taking blame for it that'd be crazy. He's just thinking about how sad it is. Rubbing his face. Jesus Christ is this their first teen death since Brimstone who isn't really even a teen. He looks over at Jiaoqiu. ]
... It was a little late, but there was justice for Brim too.
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Do you think so?
[ his tail swishes back and forth. he has thoughts, but he wants to hear marcoh's. ]
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[ He didn't like that they essentially just had to swallow it. He didn't ever really talk to Firefly. He'd look down on purely vengeful murder though -- been there, done that, right?
There's really very little sense of victory to it. ]
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It feels wrong to feel vindication, but I do. [ that he was right, it wasn't just self defense - and a little bit of satisfaction in knowing that a stupid kid he cared for finally got some justice.
it's a hollow victory. he's watching people die every week, knowing that he can't do a single thing to save them, and it's cracking his healer soul into little pieces. but there's something in this, at least. ]
But I think that if I expect myself to be a perfect person with perfect morals, I will always be disappointed.
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[ EVERY SINGLE person voted Akihiko today, not a single angry vote for Yves or another person. Sure, it doesn't mean it sits right with everybody, but clearly nobody thought Yves was outright wrong.
But Jiaoqiu also suffers a lot and Marcoh thinks this one thing is fine to enable. ]
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Thank you, Marcoh.
[ genuinely. it's a little bit of a relief to not have to hold himself up so stiffly. he tries very hard to be a stable and calm and rational force, but sometimes you just really want to be a little bitch. ]
I do have my issues with how it was handled, but I cannot say it wasn't necessary.
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I don't like it, but it was necessary. If we cannot handle it during the trial then it is as much as letting them go.
[ The paranoia and guilt get a tad stronger. ]
And that's not good. It stays. They will do it again.
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Yes. I agree with you on that part. [ wryly. ] I only mean that I would have preferred to ask her a few questions before Yves stabbed her to death without warning.
We cannot let them go. Not when we know what we do about the corrupted souls.
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They'll probably end up in the same place. Maybe you will be able to get letters, if Brim doesn't try to kill her first.
[ It's almost a joke but it's also really not, he feels like there is a distinct probability Brim will try this. ]
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That child... [ yea yea he's like forty but he's also a teenager ] I'm sure he will.
I did not ever mind looking out for him, but sometimes I do feel relief knowing that he isn't also on my plate, so to speak.
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[ Maybe. ]
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[ silence, for a little bit, and then: ]
I feel a little better.
[ being around marcoh helps. ]
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[ he folds his arms, glancing out at the grounds again. ]
You are part of my warmest moments. So thank you.
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[ He reaches over and -- no, he decides against a hand on the shoulder, going for a ruffle of Jiaoqiu's hair instead. ]
I'm glad.
[ He knows he just said that but it bore repeating. ]