...Sounds too blase, he supposes. He's still mad in a lot of ways, a majority which leans on being quite anti-Siffrin right now, which is unfortunate. At the very minimum, they certainly were friends, or he'd have assumed anyhow.
Really it's just that his feelings are hurt, which is putting it very light and very one-dimensionally, but reducing it to solely that makes it easier to see over the blinders. ]
[ he figures he's probably trying to squeeze a lot of talking out of a man who doesn't really like to talk, this afternoon, after a whole lot of trauma. so he won't push much more, even if he'd really like to.
this answer makes the shaky self-esteem that he has trip and fall on its face, but he tries very hard to not take it in the worst way possible. silence for a moment: ]
[ He does suppose, well. Actually, he considered Jiaoqiu someone to keep an eye out for, look out for, protect. The feeling had only amplified since their first CYOA together, false memories implanted into them to be childhood friends, white-collar boy and stray. Marcoh was kind of mad at them all back then too, for throwing themselves after him. It's only really now that he's really thought the word friend with him, but he supposes so.
[ that makes it a little easier. he exhales slowly. ]
I care about you too, Marcoh. It is why I ever do anything that I do, as stupid or misguided as it may end up being.
[ this is funny because marcoh is also someone that jiaoqiu had assigned someone to look out for. it's a little different because of course jiaoqiu can't physically protect anybody, but it was more the emotional. he has his pride, the resistance to being looked after - but. he has always felt safe with marcoh.
[ Simply. Simple as that. There's nothing else to it because Marcoh doesn't make a habit out of hiding behind few words on purpose; he just uses the least amount of words possible sometimes, and this is one of them.
There are parts where he certainly disagreed about it but he can't rebuke it when Jiaoqiu puts it like that. He may not be able to see it all too well right now, but Marcoh's despondent expression melts just a little -- tired. Just pure tiredness. ]
[ He knows his, so-to-speak limits here. He's just laid down, not even really cleaned off after execution, hasn't really even redressed much since Thursday evening (don't worry he did take a shower by the end of the day later). Just blood and despondence, and that's kind of terrible vibes, he knows... ]
[ sometimes you deserve to nihility a little bit ok you can be luka ]
You don't need to be any sort of help.
I just don't want you to be alone if that isn't what you want. [ tail swish. ] Though perhaps I can at the very least bring you something to wipe your hands with...
[ For a second I was like WHO? ALIEN STAGE? LUCAS??? Before I remembered the fucking redhead is a Nihility for SOME reason. ]
Not really that I want to or don't want to be alone.
[ He won't chase anybody out but he isn't exactly seeking out companionship either. He's just counting down the seconds, minutes until it's tomorrow, when they said they'd all be back. He hasn't laid in this bed since last Saturday and certainly hadn't been on his own. A thought materialises.
How many days left? And it's crushing. Bereft of rage, he's just hurt. ]
[ he does understand that. just sort of not being able to care. a beat, and then: ]
I'll be right back.
[ and he'll head down the hallway to get a clean towel and wet it. he thinks at the very least making sure that his hands aren't covered in blood might... help a little. he wanders back into the room carefully, trying not to run into things, and then: ]
[ It really does feel like when a dog actually lets you do things to its paws without kicking or suddenly biting. Damn what would it be like to have beans... ]
...
[ Sooner, and then after, too. Too fast. But he doesn't say anything else, just lets Jiaoqiu wipe his hands off. ]
[ i can't decide if it'd be annoying or not to have beans...
anyway, as he's cleaning: ]
I will be sad to leave all of you.
[ he's been thinking about it a lot - there's a brief flicker of basilio when he says it, sorry... but he thinks maybe marcoh might be thinking about not having enough time too. ]
[ He is. And it's a definitely not-insignificant portion of why he was so insanely mad. Obviously the cruelty of the murder only made it about a thousand times worse. ]
[ Because as far as he knows, there isn't one. He has to go back for Venere. And he knows Uruha also won't come back with him, because he literally asked. It sets a bad nervousness in his gut, knowing what he knows, what's waiting for him back home if he leaves, but he can't convince him to abandon it. Duty as a big brother, duty as a soldier and a friend.
Rage kept him functioning in a different way. With it gone, he only feels an awful hollow left behind where things settle and fester. ]
[ his ears pin back, as he finishes one hand - moves to the next. ]
I'm not sure. I don't have an answer for you, as much as I want to give us both one. [ sometimes, two people care desperately about the other, but - it's only been a few weeks. jiaoqiu would not and could not abandon his life and home and people for someone he's only known a few weeks, it doesn't matter how much he loves him. he knows it's the same for basilio.
a deep breath. ]
Gamaliel said that perhaps there is some way that one of us could figure out how to find each other again in our own worlds, but I'm afraid that is not good enough.
[ he can't just hope, like that. it's not how he works. ]
[ Marcoh always knew that'd be the deal, but as the weeks went on, he realised even though he knew it from the start, that he wasn't actually okay with it after all. He hasn't said it to him because he thinks it'd put more pressure on Uruha than not, feed the underlying guilt between them worse than ever, but he loves the guy. Without the necrotic flames of rage to obscure it, the only thing he's got left here is heartbreak. ]
...I don't know what that means.
[ Honestly. What, like they'd be brought, just a version of them to their own worlds...? That is different. ]
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[ I just wish I was able to help you. ]
Will you answer one question for me?
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...Sounds too blase, he supposes. He's still mad in a lot of ways, a majority which leans on being quite anti-Siffrin right now, which is unfortunate. At the very minimum, they certainly were friends, or he'd have assumed anyhow.
Really it's just that his feelings are hurt, which is putting it very light and very one-dimensionally, but reducing it to solely that makes it easier to see over the blinders. ]
If that is how you saw it before.
[ Then yes. ]
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this answer makes the shaky self-esteem that he has trip and fall on its face, but he tries very hard to not take it in the worst way possible. silence for a moment: ]
Of course I saw it that way.
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[ He does suppose, well. Actually, he considered Jiaoqiu someone to keep an eye out for, look out for, protect. The feeling had only amplified since their first CYOA together, false memories implanted into them to be childhood friends, white-collar boy and stray. Marcoh was kind of mad at them all back then too, for throwing themselves after him. It's only really now that he's really thought the word friend with him, but he supposes so.
It'd be nice. ]
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I care about you too, Marcoh. It is why I ever do anything that I do, as stupid or misguided as it may end up being.
[ this is funny because marcoh is also someone that jiaoqiu had assigned someone to look out for. it's a little different because of course jiaoqiu can't physically protect anybody, but it was more the emotional. he has his pride, the resistance to being looked after - but. he has always felt safe with marcoh.
it hasn't changed much, even after everything. ]
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[ Simply. Simple as that. There's nothing else to it because Marcoh doesn't make a habit out of hiding behind few words on purpose; he just uses the least amount of words possible sometimes, and this is one of them.
There are parts where he certainly disagreed about it but he can't rebuke it when Jiaoqiu puts it like that. He may not be able to see it all too well right now, but Marcoh's despondent expression melts just a little -- tired. Just pure tiredness. ]
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after a moment: ]
I suppose that's all I wanted to say. I can leave you to it, if you'd like to be alone. Or I can stay and we don't need to talk. Whatever you'd like.
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I'm not going to be much help.
[ He knows his, so-to-speak limits here. He's just laid down, not even really cleaned off after execution, hasn't really even redressed much since Thursday evening (don't worry he did take a shower by the end of the day later). Just blood and despondence, and that's kind of terrible vibes, he knows... ]
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You don't need to be any sort of help.
I just don't want you to be alone if that isn't what you want. [ tail swish. ] Though perhaps I can at the very least bring you something to wipe your hands with...
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Not really that I want to or don't want to be alone.
[ He won't chase anybody out but he isn't exactly seeking out companionship either. He's just counting down the seconds, minutes until it's tomorrow, when they said they'd all be back. He hasn't laid in this bed since last Saturday and certainly hadn't been on his own. A thought materialises.
How many days left? And it's crushing. Bereft of rage, he's just hurt. ]
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Mm.
[ he does understand that. just sort of not being able to care. a beat, and then: ]
I'll be right back.
[ and he'll head down the hallway to get a clean towel and wet it. he thinks at the very least making sure that his hands aren't covered in blood might... help a little. he wanders back into the room carefully, trying not to run into things, and then: ]
... We still have a week left.
[ softer, as he crouches near the bed. ]
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It might be busy.
[ The EntityTM is pissed, lets be real. ]
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[ give hand so he can clean, please. ]
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They won't be back until tomorrow.
[ Or so he was told. ]
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That's right. It'll be tomorrow, and I believe the angels. But it'll be sooner than you think.
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...
[ Sooner, and then after, too. Too fast. But he doesn't say anything else, just lets Jiaoqiu wipe his hands off. ]
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anyway, as he's cleaning: ]
I will be sad to leave all of you.
[ he's been thinking about it a lot - there's a brief flicker of basilio when he says it, sorry... but he thinks maybe marcoh might be thinking about not having enough time too. ]
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I will too.
[ Venere. He doesn't have a choice. ]
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It is... difficult, to think about the end. [ ... ] We are not there yet. Perhaps there will be a way.
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[ Because as far as he knows, there isn't one. He has to go back for Venere. And he knows Uruha also won't come back with him, because he literally asked. It sets a bad nervousness in his gut, knowing what he knows, what's waiting for him back home if he leaves, but he can't convince him to abandon it. Duty as a big brother, duty as a soldier and a friend.
Rage kept him functioning in a different way. With it gone, he only feels an awful hollow left behind where things settle and fester. ]
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I'm not sure. I don't have an answer for you, as much as I want to give us both one. [ sometimes, two people care desperately about the other, but - it's only been a few weeks. jiaoqiu would not and could not abandon his life and home and people for someone he's only known a few weeks, it doesn't matter how much he loves him. he knows it's the same for basilio.
a deep breath. ]
Gamaliel said that perhaps there is some way that one of us could figure out how to find each other again in our own worlds, but I'm afraid that is not good enough.
[ he can't just hope, like that. it's not how he works. ]
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...I don't know what that means.
[ Honestly. What, like they'd be brought, just a version of them to their own worlds...? That is different. ]
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Ah, she said that surely one of us has technology or magic in our own worlds that could make it possible to find a way to other dimensions.
[ she basically said y'all can do world hop yourselves when you get home because god won't do it. ]
I intend to ask the Astral Express when I return, but I don't like the uncertainty. I've never heard of anything like this before.
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