[ can't really hide a sneaky bit of fondness as he says that.
but it's overtaken with unease as jiaoqiu continues. it's terrifying, to think that this is just how it is. that life is full of so many uncertainties, that nothing is as safe as he was raised to believe it could be. people really live like this every day?
subconsciously, he leans a little closer to jiaoqiu. even a little bit of safety would be nice, if this is how life has to be. ]
I don't want to give up the good things. And I think most of the people here are good. It's just... scary. Knowing that they could die or- or lose themselves like that, and we still can't do anything about it.
[ he leans a little closer, and jiaoqiu shifts, resting a hand on his back. he's allowed to lean if he wants. ]
It is. [ trust him, he knows. knowing that the only way to help these people is to let them die is a nightmare for a healer. but... ]
Jing Yuan sent me a message. He told me to think of him as my patient, still. That I cured him, and that he is recovering because of what I did. [ ... ] I think expelling him was the scariest thing I've ever done. But he's alright, somewhere.
[ that really does sound like a tough thing to tell anyone, let alone someone who's entire job is keeping people alive? there's a pang of sympathy. ]
...It was scary just to see. Having to live it... I can't imagine. [ horrifying. ] It's good that they're somewhere safe where they can heal, and I know we're supposed to see them again sometime, but... how they have to get there is still awful. It still hurts everyone on both sides.
[ focusing on a positive future is a little hard when it's so painful in the moment. ]
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[ can't really hide a sneaky bit of fondness as he says that.
but it's overtaken with unease as jiaoqiu continues. it's terrifying, to think that this is just how it is. that life is full of so many uncertainties, that nothing is as safe as he was raised to believe it could be. people really live like this every day?
subconsciously, he leans a little closer to jiaoqiu. even a little bit of safety would be nice, if this is how life has to be. ]
I don't want to give up the good things. And I think most of the people here are good. It's just... scary. Knowing that they could die or- or lose themselves like that, and we still can't do anything about it.
no subject
It is. [ trust him, he knows. knowing that the only way to help these people is to let them die is a nightmare for a healer. but... ]
Jing Yuan sent me a message. He told me to think of him as my patient, still. That I cured him, and that he is recovering because of what I did. [ ... ] I think expelling him was the scariest thing I've ever done. But he's alright, somewhere.
no subject
[ that really does sound like a tough thing to tell anyone, let alone someone who's entire job is keeping people alive? there's a pang of sympathy. ]
...It was scary just to see. Having to live it... I can't imagine. [ horrifying. ] It's good that they're somewhere safe where they can heal, and I know we're supposed to see them again sometime, but... how they have to get there is still awful. It still hurts everyone on both sides.
[ focusing on a positive future is a little hard when it's so painful in the moment. ]
no subject
[ it hurts, but he appreciated jing yuan trying to make him feel better about killing him. ]
You're right, of course. It is a terrible method. Like leeches or bloodletting in general, there is so much pain before there's a recovery.
[ gently, he rubs laurence's back. ]
Remember that you can lean on all of us, alright? It's difficult to ask for help, but it isn't shameful.