And I don't think that I've necessarily been anything other than firm in making sure that we are moving along. Are you angry with me because my approach got your friend caught? I don't understand.
[ that last comment is so disorientating it actually makes him tear up. hurt, and the cold edge of betrayal - not jiaoqiu's, not really. ]
No! Why would you think that I was someone who would-- I'm angry because it feels like we're not even given time to think, and mistakes aren't just because people are shy or hiding something. I'm mad because I'm scared.
[ well, it gets him somewhere - he sits down, finally, his tail settling over chrono's feet. ]
We aren't given time to think. You're right. [ ... ] This is not a fair situation, and I don't blame you for being afraid. I don't want you to be afraid.
But the situation is what it is. I cannot change the circumstance. [ there's a little crack in his calm - something grieving, something buried where it won't burden anybody. ] I must do what I can to protect all of you, and this is how I have to do it.
Sometimes, we cannot afford to be endlessly patient and kind on a time limit. I'm sorry.
[ the tail does make him feel a way. not sure what way, but it's a different way from before. it's hard to keep it all sorted. ]
I'm not asking for endless. I don't expect you to be able to change anything. Maybe it's being naive, or childish, but most of us-- most of us are trying, too. It's not all on you to protect us.
[ it is on him, in his mind, because he is a healer and he's incapable of not putting his patients first. but... ]
I have to wonder what you think the first four weeks we were here was, if not patience. [ a beat. ] I know you are trying. I see it. But I still don't know that I know what you expect me to do differently.
he stamps down on it, putting the coal back on the low-burning flame. it's tinged with concern and frustration. ]
You could start by not talking down to me like that. [ bitterly. it's probably unfair, he doesn't care. ] There's nothing to change. It's not what you did, i-it just reminded me, last week, if I'd tried a little harder...
I am not talking down to you. I'm talking to you like I talk to everybody else.
[ firmly. he's a doormat, mostly, but he will make that clear since he actually is trying very hard to not be passive aggressive. ]
We don't, no. But I suspect that the problem is solved with Firefly's death. [ there's that calm again, but there's something jittery underneath it. ] Of course, we can't be sure, as the chance to ask was not given to us.
[ there is a heavy, heavy sense of doubt that follows the mention of firefly. from everything - the photobooth photos, her lack of current injury at the time, the method of killing - none of those lined up for her. but he grits his teeth and shoves it away. it's not like he had any better ideas. there had been so little gained.
...oh. no, he doesn't want to hear that. but he can't help but ask, slightly incredulous, ]
This coming from the guy who just said it's his sole responsibility to protect us all? [ snapped, reactive. ] Maybe it was, Jiaoqiu. Maybe I missed something, no matter how hard I looked and how much it mattered.
It is my responsibility to look out for you. Like it or not, you are a child. That does not mean you're not capable, but it does mean it should not be on your shoulders to be responsible for solving a murder, in any sense.
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[ he seems slightly bemused by this. ]
And I don't think that I've necessarily been anything other than firm in making sure that we are moving along. Are you angry with me because my approach got your friend caught? I don't understand.
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[ that last comment is so disorientating it actually makes him tear up. hurt, and the cold edge of betrayal - not jiaoqiu's, not really. ]
No! Why would you think that I was someone who would-- I'm angry because it feels like we're not even given time to think, and mistakes aren't just because people are shy or hiding something. I'm mad because I'm scared.
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We aren't given time to think. You're right. [ ... ] This is not a fair situation, and I don't blame you for being afraid. I don't want you to be afraid.
But the situation is what it is. I cannot change the circumstance. [ there's a little crack in his calm - something grieving, something buried where it won't burden anybody. ] I must do what I can to protect all of you, and this is how I have to do it.
Sometimes, we cannot afford to be endlessly patient and kind on a time limit. I'm sorry.
no subject
I'm not asking for endless. I don't expect you to be able to change anything. Maybe it's being naive, or childish, but most of us-- most of us are trying, too. It's not all on you to protect us.
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[ it is on him, in his mind, because he is a healer and he's incapable of not putting his patients first. but... ]
I have to wonder what you think the first four weeks we were here was, if not patience. [ a beat. ] I know you are trying. I see it. But I still don't know that I know what you expect me to do differently.
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he stamps down on it, putting the coal back on the low-burning flame. it's tinged with concern and frustration. ]
You could start by not talking down to me like that. [ bitterly. it's probably unfair, he doesn't care. ] There's nothing to change. It's not what you did, i-it just reminded me, last week, if I'd tried a little harder...
[ there's a deep exhale. ]
We still don't know what happened to Zhongli.
[ guilt, guilt. ]
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[ firmly. he's a doormat, mostly, but he will make that clear since he actually is trying very hard to not be passive aggressive. ]
We don't, no. But I suspect that the problem is solved with Firefly's death. [ there's that calm again, but there's something jittery underneath it. ] Of course, we can't be sure, as the chance to ask was not given to us.
[ ... ]
You hold yourself up to very high standards.
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[ there is a heavy, heavy sense of doubt that follows the mention of firefly. from everything - the photobooth photos, her lack of current injury at the time, the method of killing - none of those lined up for her. but he grits his teeth and shoves it away. it's not like he had any better ideas. there had been so little gained.
...oh. no, he doesn't want to hear that. but he can't help but ask, slightly incredulous, ]
What do you mean?
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[ eyebrow raise. ]
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[ firmly. ]
It is my responsibility to look out for you. Like it or not, you are a child. That does not mean you're not capable, but it does mean it should not be on your shoulders to be responsible for solving a murder, in any sense.