fried | pc ♠ marcoh

I've seen a lot of people die. It's not unusual on the streets.

[ He tries fruitlessly to cover himself with his jacket, despite how it grows over it at some points like his shoulders. ]

It's different to do it yourself.

[ He swallows, glancing aside. ]

I don't like it. The trials, in the Church.

It is different.

[ his tail flicks restlessly behind him. he's got experience with that too, but he doesn't say it, for now. ]

No? Does it feel a little too close to judgement?

[ It's the admitting sort of quiet, a tense defeat. ]

Is it irony to be hunting out other murderers instead?

I hadn't ever thought about it like that. I suppose it could be.

... We're all here to be redeemed. It isn't about what we've done, but what we will do.

I don't know.

You don't think so?

Well, I suppose we had better wallow in the guilt of our past sins forever then...

[ lightly. he knows he's being a dick. ]

[ Unfortunately for Jiaoqiu that is actually unironically what Marcoh has been doing so.

He just stays quiet giving off that bummer aura. ]

[ BUDDY

jiaoqiu huffs out a little laugh, and turns to take a cup of tea over to marcoh. ]

I doubt I can think of the precise string of words that will ease that guilt for you. I imagine you wouldn't want me to, either.

But I think it is better to learn how to let it go. You don't have to let go of the remorse - I know it's important to you to regret having done it. But I can see it so heavy on your shoulders, and that is the way you end up like me, Marcoh. I don't want that for you.

I feel like letting it go makes me a worse person.

[ It's not right of him to just let go, is it? It doesn't change anything. It's not going to undo what happened. ]

... The man that made me do it is... also gone, now. But it isn't any better. I only put Venere in more danger.

There is a delicate balance you need to find between drowning in it, and letting it weigh as it should.

[ firmly. hands him the tea. take!! ]

Are you telling me that someone told you to kill someone to protect your sister?

[ He takes the tea quietly, holding it in his big hands. ]

Yeah.

...

Riccardo, he... the heir to the Accardo branch.

He was dating her.

[ a hum... ]

Was this a situation where you had no reason to believe he'd tell you this for any other reason than he feared for your sister's safety?

[ With difficulty -- ]

No.

He was the one that made me kill. Or my sister would pay for it.

[ oh, that gets a frown out of him, actually. what the fuck. ]

... What an impossible choice. [ ... ] Perhaps you could have made the decision not to kill, but I can't see any scenario where it is better for you to lose someone you love because of what is morally correct.

You were coerced. It's a complicated problem.

...He put him, up against me in the ring. There wasn't a choice.

Well, you're not doing a very good job of convincing me you were in the wrong, my friend.

I killed him too. Riccardo.

You'll have to forgive me if I say good riddance.

...I don't feel bad about it. Not him.

I sometimes wonder if I should, but I can't really get myself to feel that way, even with this whole redemption thing.

If you want my opinion, I think the world may be a better place without someone like him.

[ His emotions are very complicated in this regard. He doesn't feel bad. He can't feel bad, in regards to Riccardo specifically. But he does regret that it got his sister in trouble. He feels worse because he doesn't feel bad. ]

But I might be being tested about that too. Here.

You might.

Have you asked the angels about this? I really cannot imagine someone like Zuriel telling you that they find this unacceptable.

... I've talked a bit about it to them, yeah.

It's just, more of the usual. If it feels like something I need to redeem myself for.

[ But how do you redeem yourself for a murder you didn't even want to do, and another one that you don't care to regret at all? ]

[ a hum. ]

In the end, the only person that can decide that is you. [ glances up at him again. ] What I think, what god thinks - that doesn't matter nearly so much as you feeling at peace with yourself.

Maybe your redemption is just that. Finding peace.

...

Thanks. I know it's not your business.

[ It shouldn't be Jiaoqiu's responsibility to ease -- try to ease -- his nerves in this matter. ]

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fried - 2025-02-26 01:29 (UTC) - Expand

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