pc ♠ marcoh

[fried]

:fruglift:

Comments

[fried]

Numb, I suppose.

[boxcar]

That's not good.

[fried]

I've been told that by quite a few people here. It must be true.

[boxcar]

...

There is something I've done, that haunts me still. The day I feel nothing about it anymore is I think the day I've fallen off the redeemable path.

I think you have feeling. Just... tired. The body goes into shock after too much trauma. It might be the same for feelings too.

[fried]

That's a charitable way to look at it.

[ he says, idly, glancing in marcoh's direction. ]

... I don't think you're necessarily wrong. It's been this way since I retired from the battlefield. [ a beat. ] Have you really done something so terrible, Marcoh?

[boxcar]

[ There's a long silence. And when he talks again, it's quiet, like he's afraid to really let it be heard in a sound above a confession. ]

I killed a man who didn't deserve to die.

[fried]

[ he keeps making his tea, as he waits patiently. and then: ]

Oh? There must be more to it than that.

[boxcar]

... I don't know that there is.

If "reason" justified the sins, then there wouldn't be any to begin with.

[fried]

I suppose.

... But I am not a divine being, and to me, the reason makes the difference. Jing Yuan did not deserve to die, and I killed him - is that not the same thing?

[boxcar]

He killed someone, didn't he? And this was their version of the punishment, even if we don't believe in it.

[ Sorry Jiaoqiu, but thems is the breaks. Even if Marcoh doesn't sound convinced even as he says it. ]

... Venere was being threatened.

[fried]

Not of his own volition.

[ he's firm on that, but: ]

... I think that's adequate reason enough, Marcoh. Your sister was in danger, and you protected her. A loss of life is unfortunate, but not unprovoked.

[ jiaoqiu said play stupid games win stupid prizes ]

[boxcar]

But I still killed him.

[ It's rare but there's emotion in this. What kind is unclear. It's deep upset, grief and anger. The black marks across his body get worse, splitting into teeth and eyes like ravenous tumours, accompanied with a sound like snapping bones. ]

[fried]

You did. And your remorse for it is clear.

[ a little more gently. he's watching that transformation - not warily, but with empathy. ]

But if you're looking for judgement from me, you won't find any. I've been on the battlefield for most of my life. I've seen plenty of men who didn't deserve to die be slaughtered.

[boxcar]

I've seen a lot of people die. It's not unusual on the streets.

[ He tries fruitlessly to cover himself with his jacket, despite how it grows over it at some points like his shoulders. ]

It's different to do it yourself.

[ He swallows, glancing aside. ]

I don't like it. The trials, in the Church.

[fried]

It is different.

[ his tail flicks restlessly behind him. he's got experience with that too, but he doesn't say it, for now. ]

No? Does it feel a little too close to judgement?

[boxcar]

[ It's the admitting sort of quiet, a tense defeat. ]

Is it irony to be hunting out other murderers instead?

[fried]

I hadn't ever thought about it like that. I suppose it could be.

... We're all here to be redeemed. It isn't about what we've done, but what we will do.

[boxcar]

I don't know.

[fried]

You don't think so?

Well, I suppose we had better wallow in the guilt of our past sins forever then...

[ lightly. he knows he's being a dick. ]

[boxcar]

[ Unfortunately for Jiaoqiu that is actually unironically what Marcoh has been doing so.

He just stays quiet giving off that bummer aura. ]

[fried]

[ BUDDY

jiaoqiu huffs out a little laugh, and turns to take a cup of tea over to marcoh. ]

I doubt I can think of the precise string of words that will ease that guilt for you. I imagine you wouldn't want me to, either.

But I think it is better to learn how to let it go. You don't have to let go of the remorse - I know it's important to you to regret having done it. But I can see it so heavy on your shoulders, and that is the way you end up like me, Marcoh. I don't want that for you.

[boxcar]

I feel like letting it go makes me a worse person.

[ It's not right of him to just let go, is it? It doesn't change anything. It's not going to undo what happened. ]

... The man that made me do it is... also gone, now. But it isn't any better. I only put Venere in more danger.

[fried]

There is a delicate balance you need to find between drowning in it, and letting it weigh as it should.

[ firmly. hands him the tea. take!! ]

Are you telling me that someone told you to kill someone to protect your sister?

[boxcar]

[ He takes the tea quietly, holding it in his big hands. ]

Yeah.

...

Riccardo, he... the heir to the Accardo branch.

He was dating her.

[fried]

[ a hum... ]

Was this a situation where you had no reason to believe he'd tell you this for any other reason than he feared for your sister's safety?