pc ♠ marcoh

[fried]

:fruglift:

Comments

[boxcar]

Stalk?

[ KILL SELF IF SEEN? This is the most abnormal note he's ever read in his life. ]

[fried]

[ help it kind of makes him laugh in this slightly hysterical way because it's SO STUPID ]

I told him to find people he wanted to model his behavior after, to dissuade him from violence. I did not tell him to stalk people, but we can only hold our children's hands for so long before having to let them take their own steps forward.

[boxcar]

[ ...He lowers the note, and hands it back to Jiaoqiu. ]

I do remember he had arranged to get a punching bag, when we were decorating. And he said I should not laugh.

[ He would've never laughed. ]

[fried]

[ takes it, and puts it away. ] I told you, he admired your strength. He said as much to me.

We were working on learning that physical strength is not all there is to being a person.

[boxcar]

I may not have been the best role model in that case.

[fried]

I think you are.

You care for people. That is a step in the right direction, and besides, there is never going to be a perfect role model to begin with.

[boxcar]

I do, but that is normal, I thought.

I mean that I do rely on physical strength more than anything else. It is all I know well.

[fried]

It wasn't normal for Brimstone, is more my point.

You rely on your strength, but you find caring for people to be normal. That's important for someone like Brimstone to have seen.

[boxcar]

...I see.

[ He doesn't feel like he really did anything but... it's nice to hear. even if it might be a tad hollow. ]

[fried]

In any case, at least he didn't feel as though he needed to take himself out if you were onto him.

[ makes a joke at his own expense ]

[boxcar]

He thought it was embarrassing if you knew how much he liked you?

[fried]

I believe so.

I would have never made light of it, but I understand. It's hard to let the brick wall come away.

[boxcar]

...

I'm sorry it came to this.

[fried]

I am too.

But I am very used to it.

[boxcar]

Used to it doesn't make it any less, much, I'm told.

[fried]

I think that's not untrue.

[ he says, finally. ]

In my case, I don't have anything left to feel about it.

[boxcar]

Tired out?

[fried]

Numb, I suppose.

[boxcar]

That's not good.

[fried]

I've been told that by quite a few people here. It must be true.

[boxcar]

...

There is something I've done, that haunts me still. The day I feel nothing about it anymore is I think the day I've fallen off the redeemable path.

I think you have feeling. Just... tired. The body goes into shock after too much trauma. It might be the same for feelings too.

[fried]

That's a charitable way to look at it.

[ he says, idly, glancing in marcoh's direction. ]

... I don't think you're necessarily wrong. It's been this way since I retired from the battlefield. [ a beat. ] Have you really done something so terrible, Marcoh?

[boxcar]

[ There's a long silence. And when he talks again, it's quiet, like he's afraid to really let it be heard in a sound above a confession. ]

I killed a man who didn't deserve to die.

[fried]

[ he keeps making his tea, as he waits patiently. and then: ]

Oh? There must be more to it than that.

[boxcar]

... I don't know that there is.

If "reason" justified the sins, then there wouldn't be any to begin with.